You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
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I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
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Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.