We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Damn victory sex feels great
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....