apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.