I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad