I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
