They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.