I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
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Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
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Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many