Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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