So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
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figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
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I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize