i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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