its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
