Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
