Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
