It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
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