I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
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I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
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well, you know. whores of a feather.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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