I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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