the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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