i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
