defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Who died my cat blue again?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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