That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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