Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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