And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
