this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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