I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
