Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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