i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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