i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
