Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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