everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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