I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
