this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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