If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
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