somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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