Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
