He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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