So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
