dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
