just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
