Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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