My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
