Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
