He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
