so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
