Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
