do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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