I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
