haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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