dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
