Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
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She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
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I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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