just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
