Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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