Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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