You can't special order awesome
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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