my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
