I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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