i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
