I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
