So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Randomize
