clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
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rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
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at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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