no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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