So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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