the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
