Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
