I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
