before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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