He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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