im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
