Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
