She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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